Abridged Script

Not seen this film yet, but... im not sure i want to now :)

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Star Wars: The Clone Wars: The Abridged Script


FADE IN:

EXT. SPACE

The movie begins. Instead of the traditional ‘STAR WARS’ logo disappearing into the distance, we see a modernized ‘CLONE WARS’ logo.

AUDIENCE

What …

Instead of the classic Star Wars theme, we hear a remix of the theme.

AUDIENCE

… The …

Instead of an opening text crawl, we are treated to a cheesy NARRATOR that sounds like the guy doing the propaganda ads for STARSHIP TROOPERS talking over overly stylized ANIMATION.

AUDIENCE

… Fuck?!?

JABBA THE HUTT’S UNCLE is an offensive homosexual stereotype.

AUDIENCE

FUCK THE SHIT RIGHT OUT OF THIS.

The AUDIENCE leaves to go watch THE DARK KNIGHT again.

END